TIME TO EXPLORE…

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Today I graduated with my masters in counseling. I never thought I’d return to college after my tumultuous undergrad. I’m feeling grateful that I did and when I did: in my thirties. This time around I enjoyed having better self-care practices, a compassionate community, a spiritual practice, and a deeply loving husband—these things made all the difference. Today I walked shoulder to shoulder with a cohort I grew close to and felt accepted, seen, and valued. Wow. Simply wow. I wrote this poem 2 years ago as illness anxiety was prevalent for my husband and growing larger inside of me as well. Happy spoiler alert: he’s fine and does not have cancer. But the thing about lumps, bumps, and swollen lymph nodes is that there is a time of gray area when we don’t know for sure that it is not cancer—when cancer must be ruled out. This piece was written while attempting to live in that gray area. The fact that it is 2 years old is simply the reality of how long it takes a poem to move and grow through the publishing process. Often, it can take a lot longer than 2 years. Grateful to have it published in Mantis Magazine by Stanford University. Grateful to have this piece published in @weberstate Journal: The Contemporary West. It’s the feeling of longing for a hometown, while also not wanting to move back. #homesick This is a poem I wrote two years ago when I was living in a van and house prices were soaring. Poetry offers me such solace in the face of the uncertainty. While I still cannot afford a home in a place I call home, I’m grateful for kind and generous landlords who offer affordable housing. And I am reminded of the meaning if this poem: who am I to own a home on stolen land. First published in Weber: The Contemporary West. Finished a commission of Meadow the cat with my studio manager Roo the cat on my lap (look for her cameo in the end!).